The first time I broke up with Charlie was for Taylor.
Taylor was in my Physical Science class my freshman year and he annoyed the piss out of me but I loved it. He was so cute and had a smile that made my heart do cartwheels. He was my first. Not just my “first”, but my first love, my first heartbreak, and my first experience with what would eventually become habit in my relationships.
Before Taylor and I got all hot-n-heavy, my best friend June had a crush on him. And she told me she did. And I totally ignored that and dated him anyway.
Taylor’s best friend was Mikey. We all hung out together all the time. June told me that she was starting to like Mikey.
And shortly after that, I broke up with Taylor and started dating Mikey. (And went back and forth between them like a ping pong ball for an entire summer.) I was so wrapped up in the drama that I created by dating these best friends that the pain I was causing June didn’t even occur to me. I think about it now and I wonder what the hell I was thinking…how could I NOT have realized that I was hurting her? But I didn’t. I was so wrapped up in myself that it didn’t ever cross my mind.
I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason and I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done. But that is one summer of my life that I wish I could re-do certain parts of. Specifically the parts when June was hurt by my actions and I was completely oblivious to it.
Taylor and Mikey eventually got tired of my back and forth shit and they both told me to go to hell. I totally deserved it.
And one would think that after I hurt June the first time, I wouldn’t do it again, right?
Wrong.
Then there was Brent.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Me and Charlie Talkin'
Charlie was my first “real” boyfriend. And by “real” I mean that we actually went out on dates.
In a car.
Without adult supervision.
I will never forget asking my mother for the first time if I could go on a date with him.
She was already not all that fond of Charlie, well, because he was a boy and he had an interest in her baby daughter. And at the time, my mom was going through a divorce from my dad (after 20 + years of being together) and things were just…emotional for us. Anyhow, I wrote her a note asking her if I could go out with Charlie and after I gave her the note I just waited for the dreaded “no” like I had gotten before. To my surprise, she actually said yes, followed by:
“BUT! I have to talk to him before you leave this house.”
Charlie was a good guy. He was a good ol red-headed Southern boy with manners and a sweet smile. He didn’t mind talking to my mom. Of course, I don’t think he realize what he was getting into when he sat down on that couch but he happily obliged my mother’s request.
She proceeded to talk to him in that serious “Mom” voice.
You know the one.
It starts out real low and soft and sweet and the further into the conversation Mom gets, the louder and harsher it gets?
Yep.
“I know that you know that Elizabeth’s father and I are going through a divorce right now, right?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And I know that you know that my daughter is my everything, right?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And I know there’s not going to be any drinkin’ and drivin’ with my daughter in the car, right?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“She is ALL THAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW and IF ANYTHING happens to her YOU KNOW I WILL KILL YOU, RIGHT?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Okay. As long as we are VERY.clear.onthat.”
“Yes ma’am.”
YIKES!
I’m surprised that after his “talkin to” Charlie and I even got to leave the house.
But we did.
And we dated off and on several times over the years.
We would break up for various reasons and then get back together a few months later and break up and get back together, etc, etc. I think we were just used to each other so when we didn’t have anyone else to date, we seemed to gravitate towards one another. And we continued that way for until I was in my mid-twenties.
My 15 year old self would never have imagined that my relationship with Charlie would end nearly a decade later with a restraining order and a court date.
In a car.
Without adult supervision.
I will never forget asking my mother for the first time if I could go on a date with him.
She was already not all that fond of Charlie, well, because he was a boy and he had an interest in her baby daughter. And at the time, my mom was going through a divorce from my dad (after 20 + years of being together) and things were just…emotional for us. Anyhow, I wrote her a note asking her if I could go out with Charlie and after I gave her the note I just waited for the dreaded “no” like I had gotten before. To my surprise, she actually said yes, followed by:
“BUT! I have to talk to him before you leave this house.”
Charlie was a good guy. He was a good ol red-headed Southern boy with manners and a sweet smile. He didn’t mind talking to my mom. Of course, I don’t think he realize what he was getting into when he sat down on that couch but he happily obliged my mother’s request.
She proceeded to talk to him in that serious “Mom” voice.
You know the one.
It starts out real low and soft and sweet and the further into the conversation Mom gets, the louder and harsher it gets?
Yep.
“I know that you know that Elizabeth’s father and I are going through a divorce right now, right?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And I know that you know that my daughter is my everything, right?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And I know there’s not going to be any drinkin’ and drivin’ with my daughter in the car, right?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“She is ALL THAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW and IF ANYTHING happens to her YOU KNOW I WILL KILL YOU, RIGHT?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Okay. As long as we are VERY.clear.onthat.”
“Yes ma’am.”
YIKES!
I’m surprised that after his “talkin to” Charlie and I even got to leave the house.
But we did.
And we dated off and on several times over the years.
We would break up for various reasons and then get back together a few months later and break up and get back together, etc, etc. I think we were just used to each other so when we didn’t have anyone else to date, we seemed to gravitate towards one another. And we continued that way for until I was in my mid-twenties.
My 15 year old self would never have imagined that my relationship with Charlie would end nearly a decade later with a restraining order and a court date.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Back to Basics
It’s been a while since I’ve made any sort of attempt to put my thoughts into coherent sentences, but transferring my thoughts to paper (or computer) has always been very therapeutic for me. So here I go again…
Some of you know, but most of you don’t-Justin and I are no longer together. I’m not going to go into the specifics here, but for those of you that have read my blog(s) before, you know that Justin and I have tried and tried and tried for 4 years to make us work. And we really did try hard. But, no one should have to change to make someone happy and after many tears and much deliberation, we decided to go our separate ways. So for the first time ever, I am on my own.
You may be thinking-she’s 29 years old…SURELY she hasn’t lived at home this whole time. And you’re right. When I was 18, I moved out of my mother’s house and into an apartment with 2 friends (and my boyfriend.)
And then back to mom’s (and the boyfriend with me, still) when 3 females and my boyfriend living under one roof didn’t work out.
And then I moved in with Charlie.
And then Bobby.
And then Chris.
And then back to mom.
And then Justin.
And now, here I am. 29 years old, 2 kids, and an apartment…all on my own.
So I am embarking on a journey that is bound to be insane and emotional and crazy and I plan on documenting it here. And I want you to come along for the ride. I used to say-I don’t care if you read my blog-but this time I do. I need opinions and feedback from you all. I want to know what you think. I want to know what you have to say whether it is positive or negative or indifferent. I am interested in your opinions and advice and whatever else you have to say. If you want to remain anonymous, that’s fine. I don’t (and won’t) have a traffic tracker on this site. I’m not blogging to get all into the politics of blogging like I have in the past. None of that matters anymore. What matters now is me and figuring out exactly who “me” is.
Some of you know, but most of you don’t-Justin and I are no longer together. I’m not going to go into the specifics here, but for those of you that have read my blog(s) before, you know that Justin and I have tried and tried and tried for 4 years to make us work. And we really did try hard. But, no one should have to change to make someone happy and after many tears and much deliberation, we decided to go our separate ways. So for the first time ever, I am on my own.
You may be thinking-she’s 29 years old…SURELY she hasn’t lived at home this whole time. And you’re right. When I was 18, I moved out of my mother’s house and into an apartment with 2 friends (and my boyfriend.)
And then back to mom’s (and the boyfriend with me, still) when 3 females and my boyfriend living under one roof didn’t work out.
And then I moved in with Charlie.
And then Bobby.
And then Chris.
And then back to mom.
And then Justin.
And now, here I am. 29 years old, 2 kids, and an apartment…all on my own.
So I am embarking on a journey that is bound to be insane and emotional and crazy and I plan on documenting it here. And I want you to come along for the ride. I used to say-I don’t care if you read my blog-but this time I do. I need opinions and feedback from you all. I want to know what you think. I want to know what you have to say whether it is positive or negative or indifferent. I am interested in your opinions and advice and whatever else you have to say. If you want to remain anonymous, that’s fine. I don’t (and won’t) have a traffic tracker on this site. I’m not blogging to get all into the politics of blogging like I have in the past. None of that matters anymore. What matters now is me and figuring out exactly who “me” is.
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