When You Say Nothing At All

The first time I broke up with Charlie was for Taylor.

Taylor was in my Physical Science class my freshman year and he annoyed the piss out of me but I loved it. He was so cute and had a smile that made my heart do cartwheels. He was my first. Not just my “first”, but my first love, my first heartbreak, and my first experience with what would eventually become habit in my relationships.

Before Taylor and I got all hot-n-heavy, my best friend June had a crush on him. And she told me she did. And I totally ignored that and dated him anyway.

Taylor’s best friend was Mikey. We all hung out together all the time. June told me that she was starting to like Mikey.

And shortly after that, I broke up with Taylor and started dating Mikey. (And went back and forth between them like a ping pong ball for an entire summer.) I was so wrapped up in the drama that I created by dating these best friends that the pain I was causing June didn’t even occur to me. I think about it now and I wonder what the hell I was thinking…how could I NOT have realized that I was hurting her? But I didn’t. I was so wrapped up in myself that it didn’t ever cross my mind.


I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason and I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done. But that is one summer of my life that I wish I could re-do certain parts of. Specifically the parts when June was hurt by my actions and I was completely oblivious to it.

Taylor and Mikey eventually got tired of my back and forth shit and they both told me to go to hell. I totally deserved it.

And one would think that after I hurt June the first time, I wouldn’t do it again, right?

Wrong.

Then there was Brent.